Gratitude never goes out of season and yet, when it comes to our kids and grandkids, acknowledging a gift may not be "on trend" for them or, as the French so stylishly put it, pas au courant. The formal, hand-penned Thank You note has become outmoded for younger-than-us generations but neither an email, text nor cellphone call should be. Many of us have learned to accept the techie shortcuts. And yet, too often they too don't appear. It's particularly aggravating when it comes to kids and grandkids to whom we've sent monetary gifts. Since cash, gift card or Zelle are always the right color and fit, it's hard to accept that our grown kids or grandkids couldn't find a mini-minute to voice mail a Thanks for our largesse or text a Thx or TY.
It's a long-running frustration. You can read my previous posts on the point here, here and here.
I'm addressing the issue again because of an additional perspective I came across in a Michele Singletary (The Color of Money) column in the Washington Post.
Singletary starts off by standing by tradition: "Some gestures," she writes, "are timeless, such as sending a thank you note." But she also bows to the new reality and goes all-in for the teaching moment and the gentle reminder. Here are five of the suggestions Singletary offers for taking on a beloved giftee who has forgotten or failed to say Thanks.
Don’t compound the etiquette breach with a scolding. But it is appropriate to share your feelings.
Watch your tone. Approach it as a teaching moment, not a reprimand.
Also, explain that you’d like to know whether they received the gift. Postal mishaps and poor delivery might mean the gift never arrived.
If straight talk doesn’t work, be bold. The next gift could come with a box of thank-you cards.
Okay, maybe a handwritten note (or typed letter) or card isn’t necessary. But let the person know you still would like a call or even a text message.
Singletary ends with a droll take on the issue by Miss Manners (aka Judith Martin).
Reader's query: “I have heard that it is not proper to thank people for Christmas gifts. What is the official rule of etiquette about Christmas gifts?”
Miss Manner's reply: “Generosity and gratitude are permanently paired. Those would-be etiquetteers who declare expressing thanks to be no longer required have done only half the job. They must also then abolish the custom of giving — or, what always turns out to be the case with them — accepting presents.”
credit: painting by Frank Auerbach
