Sometimes we're upset at our grandkids over the unwritten thank you note. or the failure to acknowledge a birthday or a special visit. Or forgetting to answer a text or phone call--or initiate one. When our grandkids (or adult kids) seem oblivious to our existence, we feel like we aren't part of their family and we're annoyed at and frustrated with those we love.
This ignored or left-out feeling tends to worsen as our grandkids morph into teenagers and young adults. Just as they're marching toward independence and pushing their parents away, we might be stuck in that wake.
Should we say something? Do something? And if so, what?
Here's some tough advice on that question from askingeric who's responding to a widowed step-grandmother who visits and sends money or cash cards as gifts to the step-grandkids regularly.
[T]urn off the ATM, at least temporarily. You’re showing love and care by sending money, but because it’s not reciprocated, it’s become commodified. It’s not your fault, but it’s easy to feel like you’re not getting a return on your investment. Removing money from the equation will clear the way for you to have a conversation with your grandchildren individually. It doesn’t have to be long or overwrought. Say to them, “I love you and I miss you. I need you to call me once a month” (or whatever cadence feels right to you). “Put it on your calendar. This is the way that you can show me that you value me.”
Hold them to it. Sometimes the best way to show someone that you love them is to say, “This relationship isn't working for me; here's how we can make it work together.”
painting: Emile Bernard, Breton Woman with Red Umbrella
