I came across a post from the past. It's nearly 10 years old but it's about one aspect of our legacy that may surpass all of them. As a reminder, the three parts of our legacy, as I see it, are the worldly goods we leave behind, a sense of our values and clean closets.
Although the post stands the test of time (you can read it here), I did some editing and rewriting to update it. So here's the refreshed version of my post about Ethical Wills--what they are, why they're important, and easy ways to create them. (No legalese involved.)
What is it: An ethical will isn't a legal document. It's a way to convey to one's children and loved ones the values, hopes, and life lessons we as a parent want to pass on.
The case for one: Wills are scrubbed clean of any wording that might, as an estate lawyers' website put it, create "opportunities for court battles and hurt feelings." While those wills are legally adequate they don't, the estate lawyers point out, "sufficiently share the life of the person. ... The real heart of the person, his or her values, beliefs and traditions....These treasures are so valuable and yet often overlooked and even inappropriate for the written legal estate plan."
Forms it can take: It doesn't have to be a letter, essay or anything that formal. It can be a series of photos or sketches. It can be a PowerPoint slide show full of family photos, favorite sayings, books that have importance to you, poems that bear quoting, audio clips of favorite music. Apps provide programs that make it less formidable to compile. My family has been using Storyworth. A year's worth of answers to prompts (What were you like in high school? What was your favorite vacation? Are you more like your father or your mother?) and you end up with a bound book that includes photos if you've provided them. (I just completed a prompt on What's your favorite photo? I had two to talk about and included both.)
According to a
New York Times story, the technical tools people are using to “to put a human touch on their legacies” include videos, DVDs, digital scrapbooks, iPhone apps (such as StoryCatcher) and Facebook pages.
Impact: The Ethical Will in whatever form it takes can be shared and seen by all your heirs. There is an additional plus: Estate lawyers, the Times reports, are suggesting their clients use such tech-savvy Ethical Wills as a means of delivering a strong personal message that can help avoid nasty family conflicts. One lawyer noted that messages are best heard when conveyed through tone of voice or posture. “Being appropriately emotional in a video adds more dimensions than just words on paper.”
Caveat: Barry Baines, author of “Ethical Wills: Putting Your Values on Paper,” reminds us not to "reach out from the grave" and use our legacy link to blame or scold anyone "It should be a love letter from the heart so people can share who they are.”
Bonus: There’s personal enrichment in the process of putting the north star of your life on paper or video. As Baines put it, “Putting together an ethical will early on helps you live life with more intention.”
Extra bonus point: Who doesn’t like to tell their story–and tell it without interruption.
painting: Woman writing at desk, by Lesser Ury
