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Vacations with the Family: Finding the entertainment sweet spot for all the generations

 

We've been spending summer vacations in Vermont with our grown children and their families for about ten years now. Every year seems to have a theme or a high point that defines the vacation. One year it was the magic show our Grands put on for us and their parents--not just the show itself but the hours they spent practicing their tricks and helping each other. And then there was the year of the farm stand peach pies. We couldn't eat enough of them.

This year was marked by binge watching--in three nights--all five hours of a DVD. Who would admit to binge watching on vacation? Sounds awful. Besides, what would keep a 14-year-old boy, one seven and two 12-year old girls intrigued--plus the parents and grandparents --and asking all day when the viewing of the next episodes would begin?

 We watched the PBS version of Pride and Prejudice--the one with Colin Firth as a dreamy Mr Darcy and Jennifer Ehle as the spirited Elizabeth Bennet. We had to take occasional breaks in the action--wee pauses to explain some details, such as what an entailed estate entailed and for those among us who were romance-challenged, why some of the characters did or did not pine for others. But everyone loved the tale of the Bennet sisters, their sensible father, their hysterical mother and the balls and dancing of the era, plus the lushness of the scenes--horses riding across meadows, characters walking through wooded estates or into town on rutted roads. We were all intrigued with the way life was lived some 200 years ago--at least as re-created by the producers of the program.

The evening binges led to daytime discussions--on the lot of women at that time and now, on the importance of live music and muscianship, how mail was delivered, on how people traveled to visit friends and relatives in other towns and cities, the role of servants.

And then we followed it up with peach pie--some traditions live on from one vacation to the next.

 

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I had written a condolence note to a co-worker. One of her Grands--a 3 month old twin--had died suddenly in his mother's arm. There is not much we can say to relieve the unbearable heaviness of such a loss except to say the family is in our thoughts and prayers.  I wrote quickly--not caring so much what I said as making sure I sent my sentiments when comfort was most needed.

In her note back to me--a note of thanks for taking the time to think of and pray for her family--she made a comment that mirrored my own thoughts. "As parents and grandparents I know you understand the anguish of our loss. We grieve for ourselves, but even more for our children, [the baby's] parents."

I understand. A few years ago I flew to Boston to be at the hospital bedside of a grandchild who had been hit by a car when out walking with her mother, my daughter. She had a concussion and fractured pelvis, and in those first 24 hours neither our family nor the team of doctors treating her knew had bad the concussion was nor what the long-term repercussions would be.

We were lucky. Two years later, my granddaughter--my daughter's child--is thriving with seemingly no major after-effects from the accident. But I remember the double pain I felt that day--for my granddaughter who at that moment was in unknown danger and for my daughter, who saw her child hit by a car and who had thought--for one dreadful moment--that her child was dead.

My co-worker's note was also, in its way, a reminder that there are, thankfully, two sides to that double feeling. The joys a grandchild brings are also experienced twice--in the wonder of whatever the child did or said that delights us and in the pleasure we see in the faces of the parents--our children.

We double down no matter what.

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Vacations with Grown Kids and Grands: Update on easing the stress of too much togetherness

 

We look forward to it all year long and then, suddenly, there we are: three generations of family packed into one vacation spot.

Last year, I shared six tips on how to ease the tensions that sometimes intrude on the joys of togetherness. This year those tips are part of a vacation package pulled together by NextAve, the PBS website for those of us over 50. You can check out the whole shebang here

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