A friend, whose children are nearing the 30-years-old mark, writes:
"I just had an interesting conversation with a smart guy who was talking about the 'Bank of Dad.' His kids are "self-supporting," in their mid-30s, making (his words) 'in six figures,' and yet come to him for help on a regular basis. For example, they go to Japan a couple of times a year, a trip that necessitates a visit to DaddyBank.
My question is this: When does it stop? Unless the parents are seriously wealthy, doesn't there come a time when the parent's ability to fly first class or have the foolishly expensive appetizer outweigh the childrens' ability to take an extra trip or buy a nicer house or a better car, or even to send their kids to the swankiest private school (which, I think falls into a different category--education, in general does, in my mind).
What expense do adult children incur that is clearly worth parents making sacrifices, even major ones. I'm thinking of a spectrum. There's no amount I wouldn't spend if it was of benefit to my kids' health (or their kids, etc.). And if they asked for it (so far they have not), education would be something I'd make a reach for. But a trip to DisneyWorld (unless we were there, and hosting) is somewhere further along the spectrum. And dinners out, nicer than the ones I feel we can afford, are at the other extreme.
This is just musing. Our children have used us only for trips back and forth from L.A. [where the writer's son lives] to NYC [where the writer lives], which I placidly identify as money spent for my own pleasure--a visit that couldn't happen otherwise. Our daughter hasn't come to us for anything, including her plans for a master's degree, which she calculates she can self-support."
So where is the line? Clearly, it's different for each of us, depending not only on what we can afford but our own personal calculus or spectrum. It may be based on the importance or value we attach to the item our grown child wants: Education, yes; a deluxe vacation, no. I tend to be judgmental about "gifts" to grown kids who suffer from a sense of entitlement. One friend is more likely to indulge his son, who pays back whatever money he borrows from his dad, than his daughter, who treats every loan as a gift--even if the son's request is for a high-luxury item and his daughter's is for something more reasonable. Credit rating matters, even at some DaddyBanks.
