We all have our markers for recognizing that our children have grown up and left the nest--taken that giant step into independence. I don't mean when they leave for college, although that's usually the first most common step along the way. I mean a way of noting that great big void in our lives. In families where the high school kids were active on athletic teams, it may be the freeing up of Saturday mornings--or the emptiness of a day without a soccer or basketball or baseball game to attend. Or the stillness of the house when you turn the key in the lock and there's no music bouncing off the walls and singing through every inch of the house.
I just read a moving take on The Moment in a Michelle Slatalla column in the New York Times. It came when she went up to her daughter's room to clean it up--this, after her daughter returned to college after winter break of her sophomore year. "I felt a wave of nostalgia wash over me," she writes. "Everybody makes a fuss when you send a child off to college for the first time. You're expected to feel pangs when you separate from a freshman." But, she goes on to write, "waving goodbye at the end of sophomore winter break turns out to be much harder." It is, she explains, the realization that as time goes by her daughter would start to "come home for shorter periods and call home less often, and that the center of gravity of her life has shifted away."
I (we) have five adult children. Son #1 is divorced and has two children which he or we don't get to see that often. He lives here in town but he and his father had a disagreement and he's been told to turn in his house key (not my idea).
Son #2 is in the army and lives with his second wife in Atlanta. He has three children, two with his first wife and one from a previous relationship.
Daughter #3 is single and lives in Dallas.
Son #4 lives with Daughter #5 here in town.
Which brings me to daughter #5. As given by the numbers she's the baby of the family. She is a sinlge mom and lives here in town. We see her alot. When she works her 4yr old daughter is here with us and she's is the light of our lives. Daughter #5 has announced that she's moving to Dallas. She'll be with Daughter #2 for a while until she is established.
I'm just getting to the point where I can breathe again and not fall apart. Her Dad doesn't know yet and we anticipate a firestorm when he finds out. I know it's a great move for her and our granddaughter, but it hurts like heck. I also know it's at this point that I should get a life.
My kids have been my buffer since they were born. Now I see myself STUCK here without them. My marriage is not fulfilling and I have no social life. I'm a fitness professional and right now teaching and training are my only activities. For years I've wanted to relocate and now that she's leaving it seems like the perfect opportunity. I know that loss that I'm feeling will pass but how do I get through it?
Posted by: Sandra | May 06, 2009 at 10:11 AM