Parenting Grown Children: What Dr. Spock Forgot to Tell Us

Money Matters: A reverse cash flow from the Kippers to the Saps

And now for something competely different. While all the recent studies show how generous we aging Baby Boomers have been to our adult children, a study just out of Great Britain suggests our children have been equally as generous to us.

The study found that one in 10 of our adult children have given us money, according to insurer Scottish Widows. Moreover, six out of 10 people who have given money to their parents said they had wanted to help them, 34% said their parents needed the money more than they did.

The study, which refers to the phenomenon as "sap back," found that one reason parents were asking their adult children for cash was "likely to be because they had given them money in the past that had been earmarked for their retirement."

Previous research by the group found that 22% of parents had helped their children buy a house or repay debt.

Anne Young, a savings expert at Scottish Widows, said in a follow-up newspaper article that "the glaring hole in parents' finances will need to be replaced somehow, whether by sapping funds back from their children or by other means."

The story also noted that "earlier this month, Prudential identified a growing trend for parents to go one step further by moving in with their children as a means of saving money."

As they say in the texting world, OMG.
   

Life Styles: The stats on kids living at home

One of the big three ways in which parents help their adult children is by providing them with a roof over their  heads: the parent's own roof. In the past 20 years in Canada, the percent of adult children (20 to 24 years old) living at home has gone from 41 percent to 57 percent.
The same study that came up with those figures also found that 64 percent of parents who live with adult children report high satisfaction with life. Only 49 percent of parents who live with no adult child at home reported the same sense of satisfaction.
Another point the study makes: Living with adult children means the continuation of conflicts over money, children, house chores and responsibilities--until the kids move out.
But they do move out. Few parents reported living with children who are in their 30s. But that may change as the economy sinks.
The reason parents are giving their young adult kids aid and comfort? "Today's young adults are more likely to need their parent's support for longer periods of time," the report said.
You can read more about this here

Living at Home: Does what happens in London, stay in London?

Here's an interesting tidbit from a British survey: The credit crunch now means we may never have an empty nest.
A story that ran recently in a British newspaper reports that "67 per cent of all potential first time buyers are being forced out of the market due to tightening lending criteria and are having to arrange alternative living arrangements. The research from Abbey coincides with a recent study by Prudential which found that more than 80,000 UK households have three generations all living under the same roof. As the credit crisis takes hold, Prudential predicts that the number of families forced to live like this will grow."

Real Life: What to do when they lose their job

Just when you've reached a point in your own career where you're at peace--blind ambition turns into bound ambition--you've got your grown children's careers to worry about. Are they advancing, are they thriving at their work? Hey, even more basic than that, are they working? My friend G's son--he's married and the father of twin toddlers--just got laid off from his job-, along with 75 other people in the company. How comfortable a place is that to be in the economy we're living through now? It's hard on the son and on my friend. Not only do we, as parents of grown children, worry about our children's psyche in a loss like this but also about how they're going to pay the rent. But we also know--or fear--in the deepest recesses of our hearts that when the unemployment checks run out and the 3-year-olds need new shoes, we're going to tap the resources we have set aside for our retirement or fork over the cash we might otherwise put into that account. Or we'll squeeze our needs to meet theirs.
The question we face is this: Are we going to help them out, whether we can really afford it or not? And if we do, do we get to approve of the way they spend that money? From G's point of view, her son "lives large." He's got expensive tastes. If she has to help him out, does she put strings on the aide--or can she just quietly pay the rent and fill the fridge with basics. If she  sends a check, will she eat her heart out if her son uses it for a dinner out at an expensive restaurant?
Or should she just say no to helping out? Could you?

Money Matters: Tips on teaching financial independence

Looking for some basic advice on weaning your grown kids from financial dependence on you? Two sources of friendly suggestions came across my screen recently. One is from Expert Business Source. The three main points:

1. Learn to talk to you kids about money unemotionally.

2. Create a schedule for them to become financially independent.

3. Focus on now. Whatever's gone on (or not gone on) in the past, teach them now that they are responsible for their financial lives and that you are there as backup, not as the everyday bank account.

A more elaborate set of help points comes from the Financial Planning Association. You can get the full version Here. The highlights, some of which repeat what the other Experts have to say, are:

Talk about your mistakes and your tough financial times, perhaps when you were starting out, just as they are, and had only entry-level jobs that barely covered rent and food, and couldn't buy "luxuries" like a television or new clothes. Sure, they'll roll their eyes, but they're listening.

Make a plan for weaning them off your support; tell them the plan; and stick to it.

Bring in a professional advisor. Your child may be more open to listening to an outside professional than to you.

Some families establish trusts for their children in part to teach them financial wisdom. For example, initially have the child meet periodically with the trustee (which may be you) and the trust's advisor, if you have one, to learn how the trust is being managed and why certain assets are invested in specific ways. Because it is the child's money that's being managed, he or she should be more willing to listen.

Some family trusts say a child can receive financial distributions only if he or she earns a certain amount of money on his or her own.